Rakkauskirjeitä

I wrote this text already week ago, but "did not have time" to finish it. This is in Finnish, so I'm sorry for you guys who won't be undestanding it... I will write short description in the end to feed your curiosity. ;)

Ikävä näyttää aiheuttavan omituista runollisuutta myös minussa, kuten niin monissa taiteilijoissa, kirjailijoissa, laulutekijöissä ja muissa hihhuleissa ennen mua...

Nuorempana mulla oli monen muun liikaa amerikkalaista saippuaa katsoneiden tavoin kovin dramaattinen kuva siitä mitä rakkaus on. Kuvittelin, että rakkaus on sitä kun sydäntä särkee, on koko ajan ikävä, itkettää ja tuntuu kuin maailma loppuisi joka toinen päivä. Jenkkisaippuan lisäksi tähän draamanhakuisuuteen saattoi toki vaikuttaa melko "aikuinen" teini-iän parisuhde, josta eroon päästyäni piti äkkiä löytää sitä O.Cstä, Gossip Girlistä ynnä muista tuttua menoa.

Noh, kyllähän sitä hakemalla saikin aimo annoksen draamaa, jos nyt ollaanko vaiko eikö olla-leikkiä ja yöllisiä itkupuheluita voi siksi kutsua. Tapana oli ihastua korvia myöten johonkin poikaan (tai mielikuvaan pojasta), joka ei varsinaisesti vastannut tunteisiin. Tälläisen pojan vuoksi oli näes helppo vollottaa, kun "ei se rakasta mua". Sitten sitä poikaparkaa jahdattiin about puol vuotta, kunnes se vihdoin joko sanoi hyvin selkeästi e-i-k-i-i-t-o-s (joskus muutamankin kerran) tai hommasi itselleen ihan oikean tyttöystävän.

Aina välillä vastaan sattui ihan mukava tyyppi, joka sitten otti ja ihastui muhun. Mutta enhän mä niistä tyypeistä tykännyt, sehän olis ollu ihan liian helppoa. Ja näin sitä mentiin uudestaan ja uudestaan, eikä sitä yhtä oikeaa löytynyt vaikka miten etsi.

Sitten tapasin erään saksalaisen, hurmaavan hymyn omistavan miehen. Mutta en ilmeisestikään ollut ihan vielä valmis, vaan säikähdin miehen kohteliaisuutta ja maailman ystävällisimpiä ruskeita silmiä. Niin, että eipä auttanut kuin yrittää sössiä sekin hyvin orastava juttu. (Siitä nyt ei sen enempää, loppu hyvin kaikki hyvin.) Onneksi tämä herra ei kuitenkaan säikähtänyt ihan pienestä ja onneksi ONNEKSI kukaan muu ei ehtinyt napata tätä kultakimpaletta sillä aikaa kun minä vähän mietin.

Ilmeisesti meidän välinen välimatka ja miehen eksoottinen kansalaisuus (sen hymyn ja silmien lisäksi) kuitenkin herätti mun kiinnostuksen, koska "eihän tämä tämmönen mikään ihan tavisjuttu oliskaan". Tiedän juu, että kuulostaa hirveän pinnalliselta ja suunnitelmalliselta, mutta väliäkös tuolla jos lopputulos on kuin parhaimmasta päiväunesta. Niimpä sitten parin kuukauden pohdiskelun jälkeen päätin, kuten olen saattanut aiemminkin mainita, että tuon miehen minä haluan. Ja sain! Vieläkin, suurinpiirtein joka päivä, mietin että mitä hittoa, ihanko oikeesti tuo maailman ihanin mies haluaa herätä joka aamu mun vierestä. Voin sanoa, ettei kiinnosta lottovoitot ynnä muut kunhan tuon saisin pitää.
Viimeisen vajaan kahden vuoden aikana oon pikkuhiljaa ymmärtänyt, ettei se ole rakkautta että pitää itkeä toisen perään, muuttaa omaa käytöstään tai tarkoituksellisesti riidellä niin että se kuuluu naapuripitäjään.

Rakkautta on, että alusta asti tuntee, että saa olla oma itsensä, mutta haluaa olla paras mahdollinen minä, jotta itsellä ja toisella on hyvä olla. Itse pidän itsestäni ehkä tuhatbijoonaa kertaa enemmän nyt kuin muutama vuosi sitten.

Uskon, että meidän suhteessa on jo eletty ensihuuman yli tai ehkä se jatkuu ikuisesti :) mutta meillä ei silti riidellä. Yleensä ei oikeastaan olla edes eri mieltä. Eikä se tarkoita, että meillä olisi tylsää. Ja kyllä niitä riitojakin varmaan aikaiseksi saadaan (ainakin jos se musta riippuu), jos ei muusta niin viimeistään siitä kuka tuo joululahjat lapsille Saksan ja Suomen jouluperinteet eroavat huomattavasti tässä asiassa. Ja kyllä meillä tunteita näytetään, niitä positiivisia. ;) Meillä on hauskaa, ihanaa, turvallista ja rakastavaa.

Meillä on alusta asti eletty sellasessa symbioosissa, että jotakuta aivan varmasti ällöttää. Mutta pitääkö väenvängällä tehdä juttuja erikseen, jos ei tahdo. Meidän on hyvä olla yhdessä, joten nautitaan siitä niin pitkään kuin saadaan. Ja tottakai meillä on omia "juttuja": Wolfi katsoo futista ja mä luen kirjaa. :D

Uskallan sanoa, että olen löytänyt sielunkumppanini, sen toisen puolikkaan. Sen kenen kanssa tunnen olevani täydellinen, juuri tarpeeksi ja jota ilman en enää halua elää. Juuri nyt uskon, että haluan jakaa elämäni tämän ihmisen kanssa ja että me selvitään mistä vain kunhan ollaan yhdessä. Meidät on luotu toisillemme. <3

This is basically a love letter to my handsomer half. Unfortunately he won't understand it at least not in a while ;) I had to kiss few frogs before meeting my prince, who taught me what real love is. He is my other half, who I could not live without anymore. We can do anything, if we do it together.

The relationship between me and couchsurfing.

Yesterday we got guests, which does not happen very often. Last time was probably over a month ago when Wolfi's sister and her friend visited us. These latest guests were not friends or family, but couchsurfers. Now, very short briefing to people who do not know what is a couchsurfer is there even people like that anymore?. Couchsurfer is a person who sleeps on other people's couches, mattresses, sometimes even beds while travelling. The point is that the host won't ask any money for this. The compensation is the joy of meeting new people, possibly from different countries and cultures. If you get lucky you might get a souvenier or the guest might even cook for you. And you might get a new friend. There is several internet pages that help the guests and hosts to find each other. These web pages also try to make it safe in different ways.

When I first heard about this idea I thought that it is brilliant - for other people but maybe not for me. :P I thought I cannot trust strangers so much that I would let them to my home. And I thought I'm not adventurous enough to sleep on other peoples couches, because let's face it, you never know what you're gonna get. And you cannot really complain. Because after all, someone is giving you a free place to sleep. I'm more like 3-star-hotel kind of type. :P

Then I met my fiance, and I got to know that he was very much into this couchsurfing thing. And I thought that he would probably think that I'm cool, if I also would support it. (Like I also prentend to be a "a little bit" more interested about Finland's ice hockey league than I really am. And like I also wanted to hide my age from Facebook, so that he wouldn't think I'm too young and then noticed that he can see it in the couchsurfing profile. I'm sorry, honey, if your first crush was based on lies, but I think you know the real me already. ;) ) So I gathered all my courage, made my profile and some time after that I had my first surfer.

After this first surfer I had a quite long break; the Romanian guy who stayed two night was very nice and polite, but also did not have any plans, so he was following me the whole weekend. And that was a bit, hmmm, disturbing. Some months later I forced myself to try again sounds like I really hate hosting :D and answered "yes" to one American-Russian girl's request. Again the experience was alright. Nothing bad, but also nothing fabulous...

Then I moved here. We've had few couchsurfers, and all of them have been nice. Especially these last ones, who left this morning. Turkish-German couple about the same age as we. We had a lot to talk about, and they cooked very nice dinner for us. We also had a very tempting invitation to Cyprus where the guy lives. I have to say that this was so far the most pleasant couchsurfing experince that I've had. :) 

It was nice to have guests, but I don't mind having some break again. I'm maybe weird, but having guests, especially strangers, takes so much energy of this antisocial little human being. So I'm still not convinced that couchsurfing is for me. Actually I'm not sure if meeting new people in general is my thing, but every now and then I make my self to go out and face the world, because after all we are gregarious animals. ;) Maybe someday I will change into social butterfly or just accept myself as I am. :P

Funny story: I tried to hide my intentions behind couchsurfing on the first time I was here. I asked Wolfi if his couch is free for me as he is couchsurfer and all, because I wanted to visit Wroclaw. Well, to be honest, I was never very interested about the city and I had no intention to sleep on the couch.... ;)

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday.*

Today might be the last day of my housegirlfriending career, at least for now. Might be because I still don't know when can I actually start working, since they need to do some administrative stuff... But I do know that on Monday I will have something called onboarding day. And I'm so excited! This is my first office job, and also first job where I get to wear my own clothes. I have been going thru my closet to see if I own anything "business casual". I think I might have to do a little bit of shopping, but spending money on professional look is totally acceptable, right?

Usually I have been total nerve wreck before starting a new job, because I have bad habit of imagining worst case scenarios. When I was working as waitress it was easy to get swallowed by these terrible what-if situations, because I could think of endless amount of them. But now I am only eager to see what's gonna happen since I have no idea how it could be. How refreshing. :) 

My last day of unemployment has been very lazy: watching Gossip Girl, facebooking and doing some yoga. I'm definetely gonna miss this relaxing life, but I think change is good, and I'm too young and healthy to live like a retired person anyway. We'll see how it will be, our life as a "normal real life" couple. And my life as a office worker. Will I find myself missing serving tables? Or will I finally find my true calling? :D Actually I think I already found it: housewifing. Maybe I'll become real housewife American style someday. :P Meanwhile, let's try something else.

Some months ago I heard or read somewhere, that it takes 8 months to settle down and find your place in a new country. I can totally support this theory. On 14th of February I have been here 8 months, and finally I feel like everything will work out, and this is my life. It is a long time, but when you really want something you are always ready to wait a little bit more. So I guess the message is to be patient and not give up. :)


Quote by A. A. Milne

In the afternoon we'll start our long weekend in Germany. Plan is to drive to Bavaria today and be at my boyfriend's parent's place around eight or nine. So six long ass-killing hours ahead! :P But for me it's easy, I get to sleep or do whatever, because I don't have to drive. (I've always thought that I'm lucky not having driver's license.) We will be joined by a Polish guy, whom we never met. Hopefully he is nice (and quiet and hygienic and likes our music). :D

Oh and about the music, can someone give me a solution in our music problem? My boyfriend wants to listen techno and let's say that I don't "enjoy" that quite as much. I wanna listen melodic pop songs with lyrics about love and such things. Songs like Angus and Julia Stone's Big Jet Plane. But my boyfriend says it makes him sleepy, and that's dangerous of course. So should I just give up and listen (read suffer) techno the whole six hours...?! He is the driver after all. But I am a woman after all... (so I get what I want? :P)

Anyways back to business...The way to our destination is mostly not too interesting: first Polish motorway and then the German one. First time when we went to Germany by car in April, I was really nervous because they don't have speed limits on Germany's motorways. But actually you don't even notice you are going 140km/hour because everybody else does that too. Of course there is some crazy maniacs testing their cars' speed limits passing us by...

We have again quite packed schedule for the weekend, but it's alright. I'm just going where they are taking me, no stress, no planning, and I think in the best case I don't even have to worry about eating. :) This much I do know about our plan thou: Saturday we will meet my boyfriend's friends and I will attend my first ever techo-party (we'll see how long I can take it...), on Sunday is ice hockey game "Auf geht's blau weiße Jungs!" and family dinner. And on Monday is OKTOBERFEST! The real one! Geil! I've heard different kind of horror stories about the people (drunken tourists) there, but I don't care. In the best case (or worst) I will be one of those drunken tourists myself. :D 

onestep4ward.com

So let's hope I will have some photos of my own to show next week. :)

P.s. Have yourself a nice little weekend <3

So let's see...what did I promise to write about.

The parents meeting
Little over one week ago both mine and my boyfriend's parents visited us. They haven't met before, so at least my parents were a bit nervous. Maybe they would have been nervous anyway, but I think that the fact that they had speak English made it even more exciting. The first dinner together was ok, not anything special, just asking basic things and then akward silence. :P But already second night was better, and in the end I think the meeting was very "succesful". They invited each others to Finland and Germany next summer, so I guess that was the result I was looking for, haha.

It was nice to see my parents and show them where I live. I think now they feel more comfortable with the fact that I moved here. They liked the city, it's very different to Helsinki for example, with the Rynek and it's old, pretty buildings and dozens of old huge churches around the city. On the first day my dad said that beside the city center it looks more battered than he would have thought. Maybe I'm just use to it because I don't seem to notice that. And he was also wondering why they are building so many huge new buildings here.That I have been wondering too...
My parents were interested on different kind of cultural events here, and they will be back for sure. But maybe after winter. ;)

The job and the Polish course
For these two weeks that I have been working at the hostel, I've mostly liked it. I like to have something to do at work, for example the receptionist's job does not seem so interesting anymore, they are just sitting by the computer all day, not having too much to do. Of course cleaning poo from the toilets, changing sheets and taking trashes out is not my dream job. But while searching the dream job, this is ok. And I always wanted to work in a hostel, just to see how it is. One more dream accomplished! :)

The polish course has been fun. People there are relaxed, but mostly motivated and also my own motivation is very different than learning languages at school. I really want to make effort to learn the basics of this language. And 'till now it also has been quite easy. :)

Last week

Making soap bubbles.

The week was normal; work, Polish, coffee meeting at one Finnish family's place and Thursday meeting with other "international" people. On Friday we went to opera for the first time in our lifes. The opera was "Magic flute" by Mozart. I'm glad I read the story in advance, since I would have not understood anything about the German singing with Polish subtitles. But it was not too easy for my German speaking boyfriend either. ;) As a conclusion I would say, that it was worth trying but the next opera could be, let's say, in 20 years. :P Meanwhile I wanna see some musical and maybe even go to theatre.

Frankie's Juice Bar.

On Friday night I got a flu out from nowhere, at least it seems like that. Anyhow we had busy Saturday, I had to work, then we went for BBQ at my boyfriend's colleague's house and in the evening we had some friends coming over for drinks. Even I tried if vodka shot would help to cure the flu, I had to give up around eleven and go to bed. On sunday I had to work again, there was shortage of people this weekend at the hostel, and after that I felt completely dead. Fortunately I was able to get this Monday free, so now I'm trying to take it easy and hoping that tomorrow the flu will be gone. Because tomorrow is Oktoberfest here in Wroclaw! ;)

Fitting the traditional Bavarian clothes.

WARNING: If you don't believe in baby pink love stories, stop reading.

I wanted to write little bit about my life here with my honey bunny, because it's likely that someday in future everything is not so baby pink and lovely as it is now in the beginning. So then I can read this post and remind myself what is it all about.

We both were living long time alone and at least I am pretty private person. But since I met my boyfriend there has not been a single moment that I would rather spend alone than with him. We moved together when we did not really know each other so much. But somehow you just know...

We have not had a single fight or nothing even close, even thou we are together a lot and we've been travelling, tired, hungry and had enourmous need to go to toilet. :D I know how this sounds. I am definetely not a person who thinks that relationship without fights is a perfect relationship. But I don't see any reason to upset the one I love, if there is no need. And there has not been.

Whether we travel or just stay at home or go to some events, we always have same plan in mind. We don't really have to discuss or make compromises because we want to do same things anyway. Everytime I see him, in the morning when I open my eyes, when he comes home from work, or off from shower (no, we don't shower together, not every time at least ;) ) I smile. And I'm so glad he is there and that he is mine.

There is one thing thou, one small crack in perfectness. :D He likes football and all the other sports there is: tennis, rugby, american football, hockey, baseball, boxing, athletics... you name it he knows all about it. I'm not too into this kind of stuff. But somehow I've managed to watch more football than ever before in my life, or actually sports in general. I will not say I would love it or that I would even like it, but I've learned to tolerate it. But when I see how important it is for him and how passionate he is about it, it becomes kinda weirdly lovable feature. :D

Because I am a realistic person (or pessimistic) I've been trying to think what will be the topic of our very first fight. My best guess is the football, but we'll see. I will let you know. ;)

But in mean time I will enjoy this dream, that seems to be far more wonderful than I ever imagined. <3

And to conclude this post here is Mr. Ron Pope with Perfect for me.

“Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.”

Today I have been here exactly four weeks. Time has passed so fast. Even I'm not working and I still don't know too much people here, I've not been bored at all. Days go by sleeping, cleaning, cooking, shopping, sunbathing, watching TV, facebooking and reading and I'm wondering how I ever had time to go to work. :P (I can hear you hard-working people cursing my lazy ass there...) The only thing that keeps bothering me is that I gave myself a permission to enjoy this time without working and still every day I feel bad because I'm not "useful". I hope I can get rid of that feeling before the time is over..

“If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever.”

It is amazing how it can feel so good with somebody all the time, every day, every minute. You would think that if you put two persons who are used to live alone, living in the same apartment and spend all the free time together, they would get sick of each other in some point. But at least these four weeks have been wonderful and everyday feels better than before. I realize that this propably will not go on like this forever, but now I really cannot see any reason why not.

Quotes by A. A. Milne.